I Don't Do Snakes

My gorgeous 79 degree afternoon was ruined by finding a dead snake behind the boys' soccer goal.  Ruined!

After Jackson and Cullen woke up from their naps, I took them outside to play and burn off all the excess energy.  Both Cullen and Jackson had been behind the soccer goal already by the time I noticed the dead snake.  I was busy walking around the backyard picking up dog poop (sounds lovely right?).  Not the best job, but someone has to do it.  After dutifully picking it up, I was running around with the boys playing tag and soccer.  I happen to go behind the soccer goal which is in the corner of our yard when I spotted said snake.

Before I give you my reaction to finding this snake, here is a little background.

1) I hate snakes.  Yes, I know they are good for the environment, yada, yada, yada....  That's all good and find as long as they stay away from me.

2) I have no idea where this fear comes from.  All I know is that I always have had it.  I remember when I was probably around 3 years old, living in Florida.  My mom had taken my brother and I to the zoo with some neighborhood kids.  The zookeeper had a large python out for all the kids to touch underneath a pavilion.  I would not go near the thing.  My brother and mom tried to drag me over to touch it, but I gave them the evil eye and refused to budge.

3) To add to my non-liking of snakes, my dad has made it a point to torture me every time a snake has found its way into the garage or yard.  He actually chased me around the yard with a dead snake in his hand because he thought it was funny.  I didn't, and I was in college at the time.

So now on to my reaction, I believe the words were, "Holy F***!!!"  Along with me jumping about 2 feet in the air and 4 feet backwards simultaneously.  Pretty impressive, huh?!  I proceeded to do my heebie jeebies dance because I couldn't wrap my brain around a) what I just saw  b) Holy S*** that's a snake! and c) how close I was to said snake.  After calming myself, I grabbed the poop shovel and starting moving the snake around to ensure it was dead for my peace of mind.

Ensuring it was dead, I did the next rational thing.  I took a picture of it with my phone and texted it to my husband.  Andrew called me as soon as he saw the picture.  Not out of concern for me, but asking what was going on and why he received a picture of snake (he hadn't read the description I added to the picture).  After I told him the story, he asked me what kind of snake it was.  I don't know what kind of snake it is!  I'm fairly positive its nonpoisonous.  Andrew starts laughing at me, and I hear his coworker in the background laughing at me!  Then he has the nerve to start mocking me!  I'm so glad I have a supportive husband that mocks my unlike of snakes.  I hung up on his ass!

To one of my dogs that probably killed the snake, thank you!  Here is a picture to prove this actually happened.  The snake is probably about a foot long.

You can only see the underbelly because I
refused to touch it and flip it over.