I've been struggling lately. I seriously have no idea how other people who have four or more children (or any children at all) and don't feel like they are constantly treading water and are in immediate danger of drowning at any moment. That is not me.
Add on to the fact, a case of serious parental self doubt has crept in, and I just want to bury my head in the sand (preferably on a beach in a different country) away from my children.
This parenting gig is hard. H-A-R-D. I think I question the decisions I make a thousand times a day. For example, here is what I have been thinking about lately.
Am I raising grateful children?
Could I being doing more to teach them to be thankful for what they have?
Why can't they just be happy for what they have?
Am I raising decent human beings?
Ah, that was so sweet of him to thank me for cooking dinner.
Am I being to harsh on my kids?
Am I expecting and setting my expectations to high?
No, they need to rise and meet my expectations.
But if I'm setting them to high and they don't meet them, am I being to harsh with my consequences?
Am I following through enough so they take me seriously?
Why are my kids acting like little assholes?!
How did I fail as a parent?
Why can't they just do what I ask them to do the first time I ask them to do it?!
Did they not learn the first three times I said I would do something and did it that I'm serious?
I need a drink.
And that was just a running series of comments going through my head over events of the past week. So yes, I'm struggling. Can you tell?
I'm not asking for answers (although similar stories would be helpful so I don't feel like the world's worse parent). I'm just asking for patience and prayer. Yes, I need divine intervention at this point so I don't screw up my children any worse than they already are. Pray for me!
I had a whole comment that got deleted... I have 4 girls. I know the feeling. Thank you for your honesty. There isn't enough out there haha. I can pray for you. Can you pray for me?
ReplyDeleteWill be following your blog
Lindsay,
DeleteI will definitely pray for you. Raising kids is hard work, and I think a lot of people forget it is truly work. Thanks for commenting! I always wonder what people think about my blog writing. :)
I have 4 daughters. I know the feeling. Pray for me and I will pray for you :)
ReplyDeleteI went to high school with your husband and he posted your blog on his fb page and so I find you. Thank you for the honesty. There's not enough out there. Can't keep up the housework, do we talk about the bible and sacrifice enough, (I'm homeschooling) are we getting enough school into each day and are they really grasping the concepts, etc etc etc
Thank you
Sorry for the double comment. I found this when I hit the back button :D
Ok so I'm reading this. I have 3 daughters of my own and 2 stepchildren. I work a full time and a part time job. I have worked days, nights ,weekends, holidays, double shifts. I went to school always while raising children. The mommy guilt is intense. There's never enough time or money. However, I keep in mind that they have seen me work for it. They know it can be done. I can only hope that they do things to better themselves and their own families when they are grown. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray that God protects them. I always worry that what I'm doing is enough but I also know that it takes a village and that it's ok for others to love my children. I know I have created a strong foundation for them. Keep being a great mom.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelli! You are a great mom and a great role model for your kids!
DeleteI'm a mom of one. One 14 month old baby girl. I thought I'd never want to have kids, let alone be a stay-at-home mom. I work. I work retail management, 40 hours a week, regular schedule and yet I feel I never have enough time with my girl. I want more than anything to stay at home with her, but right now, it's just not the best decision for our family's financial well-being. I know I'm doing okay because other people tell me I am. I know that staying at home could potentially be much harder than working, but I am beating myself up over being a working mom. I feel like a failure because I could not imagine being a single mom. There's no way I could do this alone. I have a husband who actually looks forward to getting a whole 9 hours, 2 days in a row, every other weekend with our girl. He actually looked at me on our 3rd date night in 13 months and said he kind of wished I was working the next day so he could be with baby because he missed her. It made my heart melt and made me realize that he does understand my struggle. . .sometimes anyway. I know I'm doing okay. I think I know I could do better. My better would be spending more quality time, teaching, playing, developing routines, exploring. I have had at least 3 maj. . . no, 4 major break downs, 2 of which involved calling my mother, once while my husband was home and one where I accidentally called a friend who I don't see or talk to regularly enough to discuss really anything with, but who talked me through a really bad day. (My bad day actually took 3 days to subside.) My point in telling you all of this is that, you are not alone. We are doing okay. Sometimes, we are even great! No matter what, us moms have each other. At some point, all of us have been a crazy person, but our kids are alive and will probably be okay too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you took time to leave a comment. We all have bad days and good days. You and I both have 'mommy guilt' whether you work or stay at home. I truly believe we have guilt either way. Our kids are alive and will be okay! We'll all make it through, but we do have one another for support.
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