It has been 6 weeks since I have given birth to Sawyer. I don't have my pre-pregnant body back. I know its early, and I literally lost the baby weight, post birth weight, and water weight already. Still, it's been bothering me.
Here's the thing. Let me give you a little insight into my thought process and background before you all go charging the door saying I need to shut up and shove it because I'm full of shit. I was in the fitness/recreation industry for a decade before I decided to stay at home with my kids. When you are in this industry, you have the drive and desire to be in shape (or at least the majority of us do and should!). You work your butt off everyday to make yourself a shining example of what healthy should look like. Notice I said healthy and not skinny. But you still have self doubts especially when you're around the gym so much and see all of the 'skinny' people. You get in a mindset that you have to always be at optimum performance and looking great all the time. Last thing I wanted to be was the overweight fitness staff member. So I am used to being a certain way and seeing my body a certain way.
I was and still am like every other normal woman out there. My weight fluctuated throughout college, grad school and upon entering the work force. Granted, I didn't have huge fluctuations. In college and graduate school, I was at the gym at least 5 days a week personal training, teaching group exercise classes, and working studiously in the office doing the business side (aka crunching numbers, taking care of staffing, etc). While at the gym, I worked out. It was easy convenient, and I wanted to set a good example for our members. I was in good shape. And it is easy to forget that was a few years back, and I am not going to jump right back to the way I was.
With my first pregnancy, I indulged a little too much for me. I gained the' correct amount of weight' according to my doctor, but I knew it was too much. Looking at pictures of myself after giving birth, I was the largest I had ever been, ever. It took me several months of exercising and eating healthy to get back to normal.
Of course, my rockin' body landed me into being pregnant 8 months after giving birth (thanks hubby!). During my second pregnancy, I was chasing around after a child and eating healthy. I gained a healthy amount of weight, but a good 10lb less than my first pregnancy. I swear after giving birth my body almost naturally went back to normal within a month or two. I was ecstatic!
Several months later I joined a gym and honed my workout to achieve a healthier more optimal me. I knew I would never get back down to the size I was in high school or college. It just isn't realistic. After deciding and becoming pregnant for the third time, I was determined to have the same weight gain and loss results as my second pregnancy. It didn't quite happen.
I worked out 2-3 days a week, every week throughout my entire pregnancy. My last workout was 2 days before I went into labor. I made modifications as needed, especially after I got a stress fracture in my foot. I gained more than my second but less than my first pregnancy. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but I honestly did everything I thought I could.
After a more intense labor and delivery than before, I honestly thought I would magically pop back into my former self. Yea, my bubble popped extremely loudly when that didn't happen.
I was and still am down about it. Since I can't bring Sawyer to the gym with me, I go on weekends when Andrew can watch the boys. I do smaller workouts during nap time when possible. Its been 6 weeks, and I'm still not back to where I started.
Am I upset about this? Yes. Have I been harsh on myself because of it? Hell yes! Does my husband think I'm crazy and an idiot for it? You bet! Does anyone notice this except me? Nope. I have been told several times I don't look like I just had a baby.
So why am I doing this to myself? It's hard to explain. Being in the fitness mindset is partially to blame. I imagine seeing my body in a certain way and expect it to still be that way. I'm impatient. And I feel more confident and happier when I'm healthy and without the extra few pounds on me.
But as I am writing this, I realized I'm being extremely hard on myself for no reason. I had a baby, baby! six weeks ago. I'm not extremely far away from where I want to be, less than 10 lbs. (Don't judge the amount people. It may not seem like a lot to you, but with my height and body frame, it's a lot to me.) I'm being stupid and ridiculous. This weight will come off just like my other weight came off. I just need to work at it. I should not care what people think about me and only what my husband thinks. He was right when he said, "You look great!" I do look pretty great. And I will get my rockin' body back!
Society and the media expect women to just pop back into to their mindset of a perfect body after giving birth. Why? Because celebrities do it and make it look easy. They also probably have personal trainers who work them out 6-7 days a week for 3-6 hours per day. They also have personal chefs, nutritionists, or dietitians putting them on a strict eating plan. And they also have the time and money to do all of this of which normal everyday women (aka me) don't.
I say to all women who have become pregnant and given birth, stop criticizing everything you see wrong. Be proud of your body. We have all been there. Some of us several times. No one is perfect. Society and the media's ideal body image is not ideal, nor is it realistic. Women have curves. We're not meant to be stick figures. Strive to be healthy, not skinny. Strive to have a positive self image and be comfortable with your own body.
I will stop being so hard on myself about losing the last of my baby weight. I will instead be grateful for the healthy baby boy I brought into this world and his two, equally healthy, older brothers. I am thankful for a supportive, awesome husband who has know problems dishing out the truth and compliments. And lastly, I will enjoy the holiday season because honestly, its not going to stop me from eating awesome baked goods. Yum!
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