What the Hell was I thinking?

Seriously!  What the hell was I thinking having children?  Andrew and I must have both been drunk the day we decided to have kids.  And then two more!  Of course, it could have been my mother pointing out while yelling to a room full of people at my Granny's funeral back in 2004 how she doesn't know the love of grandkids since she didn't have any. (It was an awesome funeral by the way.  Top notch among funerals.  One day I might write about the awesomeness of Granny's funeral.  My family definitely puts the fun in funeral.)

My kids are lucky most days I don't lock them up in closets or in the backyard when I start feeling that manic feeling of 'I will kill the next child who screams Mommy!'  Seriously, a person can only put up with so much screaming, crying, yelling and tattle telling before your nerves are on edge.

It's not like I'll win the parenting of the year award.  Especially when you find out your preschooler yelled, "Crap!" at school when he dropped something.  Well, it could have been worse.  On a good note, he at least used it correctly.  See, I teach proper grammar!

Anyway, the moms who say mothering is such a breeze never had my children.  Either that or they are not around their kids nearly as much as I am.  The phrase 'It takes a village' didn't lie.  I would love for a village to give me a break.  It's not easy.  I give serious props to single parents.  When Andrew takes business trips, I usually am counting down the days until he comes home, and I can escape with a girlfriend and get away from my offspring.  And I use offspring as a word that is the farthest away from 'my child' because at that point, they are just offspring to be fed and watered.

In all of the horrific parenting moments I have had, it all seems worth it when the small happy moments happen.  When my boys run up to hug me or proudly show me a picture they colored, I can't help but smile.  How many people are going to compliment you while you are wearing your robe, doing your hair and putting on your make up by saying, "Your dress is really pretty" or "Wow Mommy you look good."  Yes, I will unashamedly say I need the ego boost of the compliments of my three year old.  No lie.  I will suck it up like a sponge.

While I can blame alcohol or guilt for having kids, I have little pieces of me running around enlightening the world about Mom's special sayings and adult words.  I'm glad I can pass that sailor gene onto someone (you should be proud dad!).  I can laugh when my 2 year old gets upset at us for not sharing our margaritas with him.  Seriously, he starts crying when Andrew and I say no.

Parenting has its moments of horror and moments of happiness.  One day they will either even out or slide more to the happy side.  Until then, I will enjoy to the small moments of bliss I get when asked for help or when they behave in public  It's either laugh or cry, baby.  I'd rather laugh.