I've been a Mom going on 4 years now. My oldest will be four at the end of the month. Officially, I've had 3 Mother's Day. Over my three official Mother's Days, I've learned what it is I really want.
1. A full night's sleep. I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming two year old or a husband snoring. I want the house to be silent and get at least 6 hours of solid, uninterrupted sleep. 8 hours would be awesome!
2. I want to sleep in past 7am. I mean sleep in like I used to do before kids when waking up and seeing the numbers 8:00 would make me cringe, turn over, and fall back to sleep. I don't want to hear my husband trying to keep the kids quiet while they are beating down the door or racing around playing or screaming because their sibling is touching them or screaming "Mommy!" I want the house the same quiet it was before the kids were ever born.
3. I want my husband to cook me breakfast and dinner. I don't want to have to think about at least two meals of the day. I'll even take care of my own lunch. Takeout here I come!!
4. I feel it is my right on Mother's Day to not have to change one poop diaper, not have to wipe a poop butt, or clean out one pair of dirty underwear. I deal with enough of it during all the other days of the year when I'm the sole parent at home. I poop free day would be marvelous!
5. I want all my boys to take a nice long nap and not fight me when its time to go down for a nap.
6. Peace and quiet. I don't want to hear anyone crying, fighting, screaming or yelling. If I say be quiet, I magically want my kids to be silent. And if this could just keep on going for the rest of their natural lifetime, I would be eternally grateful.
7. I want to be able to drink all day. Mimosas for breakfast, margaritas for lunch, and a nice red wine for dinner. If I keep drinking all day, I might be able to get #6 by tuning everyone out.
8. Give me a gift I won't end up throwing away a week later. Give me something worth saving. The only exception to this rule is flowers. I love flowers. Don't give me a plant because it will just end up dead. I have a black thumb.
As Mother's Day approaches, I've seen many postings from Moms about doing something memorable for their first Mother's Day or making it extra special. I have some advice for you: Lower your expectations. Yes, you're a new mother, but let's be realistic. If you have high expectations, you are just going to be disappointed. That is unless you have told your significant other exactly what you want. As in, you provided a written list with instructions. Otherwise, you are more than likely doomed to disappointed.
Men just don't get it. Sorry, but they don't. Unless you have a super human man who has the ability to read into your mind or your husband is just perfect. And if you do, I want to know where exactly you found this person. I've only known them to exist in literature. Seriously, where? I would consider adding a second husband.
Happy Mother's Day!
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