Girls are my unknown

Truth: I'm scared to death to have a girl.

I knew having children would change my life forever.  I wasn't wrong.  Nothing can prepare you for how much life changes when kids come along.  Nothing.

Family and co-workers told me things would change.  Life will never be the same.  I took everything with a grain of salt.  They had to be over exaggerating.  My life will change but it won't be that drastic.  Ha ha ha ha, the joke was on me.

And it's really funny to see someone else's life get turned upside down after they have kids as well.

My kids have brought much joy, frustration, confusion, and happiness all balled into three little boy packages.  Now, God has decided to grace me with the presence of girl.

Honestly, it scares the hell out of me.

I am not what you call a girly girl.  I never have been.  I was that girl playing football alongside the boys in elementary and middle school during recess instead of sitting on the sidelines using their Starter jackets (oh yeah, I went there) to keep warm.  I was the one who constantly got dirty, didn't mind playing fort or war games, and didn't wear a stitch of makeup until my mom forced me to when we moved to Texas.  Even then, I was not fond of this new thing forcing me to get up even earlier for school.

I had a ridiculous amount of odd/ugly years as a preteen/teenager.  I'm not sure I actually started looking like a female until around 18 when I went off to college.  I finally had my braces off.  I got rid of my glasses for contacts.  And the awful perm my mother made me get finally grew out enough to cut the last of it off.  My college girlfriends used to get onto me when I showed up in Puma shoes instead of girly flats.  Definitely more comfortable in my opinion.

I hate shopping, as in actually loathe the idea of going to a store, trying clothes on, and finding something that fits.  My husband forced me to go shopping for a new swimsuit a few years ago when he found out I hadn't bought a new one in about 10 years.  He was appalled I was still wearing it.  I was just impressed it still fit since I bought it in college.  And it isn't the first time something like that has happened.  I hang onto clothes until they are ridiculously threadbare or falling apart because I don't want to shop for something new.  Skirts are not aplenty in my closet.  I'm more comfortable in low rider jeans or cargo pants and a tank top.  The thought of shopping for hours on end makes my skin crawl.  Seriously, not a normal girl here.

After having three boys, girls are the unknown.  The unknown is unnerving.  I have known for a month, and I still have not mentally come to terms with having a girl.  The pink, the dresses, and the frills just freak me out.  I remember my mom trying to dress me in ruffles and frills when I was 3 and 4 years old.  I vividly remember telling her I don't like them and refusing to wear them.  I still don't wear them, and I'm supposed to be excited about putting them on my baby girl.  I just cannot mentally comprehend it.

So when you ask me 'Are you excited about having a girl?!' with your enthusiastic and optimistic voice, do not expect a 'Hell yea!' from me.  Instead, I usually give a little shoulder shrug and say something more along the lines of 'It will be different.'  Imagine the amount of crazy stares I get from people after that answer.

Yes, I'm not prepared for a girl.  I still haven't wrapped my mind around the concept.  I'm sure I will love her just as much as my three boys.  There's no doubt I will love her.  The unknown is scary, and the unknown to me is having a little girl.