Gaining Perspective

I recently had a bad mom moment.  It was one of those truly eye opening experiences for me.  I will not be saying what specifically happened.  Just know, I was incredibly disappointed in myself.  I cried afterwards and mulled it over for days (not exaggerating).  It really made me take a step back, look at myself, and question my parenting.  What was I doing right?  What was I doing wrong?  And what could I improve on in myself in order to get the desired outcome from my children?

This moment made me step back and realize I have a choice about many things when parenting my kids.  Only a couple of weeks ago, I posted all of the questions I had been asking myself.  Self doubt creeps in, then a bad moment happens.  Maybe a little ironic or a chance at self improvement.

As I took a look at what I was doing, I asked myself a pretty simple question.  What do I want my kids to remember about me when they grow up?  And I answered it honestly.  I want my kids to remember all the fun we had at home.  I want them to remember me taking the time to play with them individually and as a whole.  I want them to remember baking cookies with me and decorating for the holidays.  I want them to remember I disciplined them fairly and when they deserved it.  I want them to remember me having high expectations for them, and them living up to those expectations.  I want them to remember the hugs and kisses and bedtime stories.  But more than anything, I want them to remember a house where they always felt and knew above all else they were loved.

In the midst of all this self analyzing, I made the decision to gain perspective.  Parenting is work.  It's hard work.  If you have one or a dozen kids, this is a not a breezy walk down a beach.  There are storms to weather and hard decisions to be made.  These are little people who will one day make a difference in the world we are all raising.

After my semi-traumatic bad mom moment, I've decided on two things.  1) To stay calm and 2) To be selfish every now and then and do something for myself.  Staying calm will allow me to be able to deal with whatever situations God decides to throw my way a little better.  And being selfish and doing something for myself every now and then will allow me much needed time away from my children in order to stay calm.  I see this as a definite win-win situation.  And it helps my husband agrees with me.

For all the bad mom moments I've had, I'm going to learn and grow.  I cannot go back and change the past, but I can make a difference in the future.  I just hope my kids look back and understand mom is and never will be perfect.  But I try my hardest to do the best job I can.