Happy 4th Birthday Cullen!

Cullen turned 4 years old yesterday.  Seems like all my babies are slowly growing up!  It was a full day for everyone (as Wednesdays usually are around here).  I tried something different for Cullen's special day.  I decided to take pictures of him throughout the day to 'document' his 4th birthday.  After actually doing it, I've decided to keep it up for all the kids.  It will be a fun and special way to remember each birthday.

We started the morning off with Cullen's favorite, chocolate chip waffles.

Then off to preschool for a small cupcake celebration with his friends.

Jackson had an early release, so we picked him up.  Jackson and Cullen decided to play outside since we had cooler weather.  He's also slightly obsessed with his Jack 'o' Lantern.

Cullen had his gymnastics class.  He has crazy agility skills.

I had to coach Jackson's soccer practice, but when we came home, it was cookie cake time!

Happy Birthday Cullen!  We love you, son!

Gaining Perspective

I recently had a bad mom moment.  It was one of those truly eye opening experiences for me.  I will not be saying what specifically happened.  Just know, I was incredibly disappointed in myself.  I cried afterwards and mulled it over for days (not exaggerating).  It really made me take a step back, look at myself, and question my parenting.  What was I doing right?  What was I doing wrong?  And what could I improve on in myself in order to get the desired outcome from my children?

This moment made me step back and realize I have a choice about many things when parenting my kids.  Only a couple of weeks ago, I posted all of the questions I had been asking myself.  Self doubt creeps in, then a bad moment happens.  Maybe a little ironic or a chance at self improvement.

As I took a look at what I was doing, I asked myself a pretty simple question.  What do I want my kids to remember about me when they grow up?  And I answered it honestly.  I want my kids to remember all the fun we had at home.  I want them to remember me taking the time to play with them individually and as a whole.  I want them to remember baking cookies with me and decorating for the holidays.  I want them to remember I disciplined them fairly and when they deserved it.  I want them to remember me having high expectations for them, and them living up to those expectations.  I want them to remember the hugs and kisses and bedtime stories.  But more than anything, I want them to remember a house where they always felt and knew above all else they were loved.

In the midst of all this self analyzing, I made the decision to gain perspective.  Parenting is work.  It's hard work.  If you have one or a dozen kids, this is a not a breezy walk down a beach.  There are storms to weather and hard decisions to be made.  These are little people who will one day make a difference in the world we are all raising.

After my semi-traumatic bad mom moment, I've decided on two things.  1) To stay calm and 2) To be selfish every now and then and do something for myself.  Staying calm will allow me to be able to deal with whatever situations God decides to throw my way a little better.  And being selfish and doing something for myself every now and then will allow me much needed time away from my children in order to stay calm.  I see this as a definite win-win situation.  And it helps my husband agrees with me.

For all the bad mom moments I've had, I'm going to learn and grow.  I cannot go back and change the past, but I can make a difference in the future.  I just hope my kids look back and understand mom is and never will be perfect.  But I try my hardest to do the best job I can.

Cassidy's Baptism

Saturday was a special day in our house.  Cassidy received her Christening.  It was a relatively short ceremony since there were only three babies being baptized.  It was still very sweet and special.  Both her Godparents, Matt and Monique, were able to join us.  It was a very special day for a very sweet girl.  She was a doll in her gown, and the only girl in attendance.  But Cassidy was extremely tired by the end.

 

 

Cassidy with GiGi and Grandpa

 

 

 

Cassidy with Uncle Matt and Uncle Ben

 

Cassidy with Uncle Ben, Godmother Monique, and Uncle Matt.

 

Cassidy was done with pictures by the time we took a family shot.

Why, yes, I do exist.

I've been getting slack lately because I am never in any of the pictures with my kids.  Andrew guilt tripped me saying, "They'll never know what you looked like because you're always taking the pictures."

It's sad to say, but he's right.  I'm never in any pictures with my kids.  I do want them to look back and see I was there.  I'm not just figment of their imagination behind the camera.  I did actually participate in their lives as captured on film.  To help solve this problem, I bought a remote for my camera.  Therefore, I don't have to set the timer for my camera, hit a button, run to the rest of the family, then try to get everyone to smile for 10 seconds before the shutter goes.    Then run back and repeat three or ten times hoping to get one good picture.

I haven't been able to grab one of Jackson and I as of yet.  Kindergarten is important and is making him no longer available during the day for a shoot.  Add in RE class and after school activities and time has become precious.  I promise to get one of him and I soon.  In the mean time, I present myself and three children.

 

Thibie was feeling left out.

I'm struggling... seriously

I've been struggling lately.  I seriously have no idea how other people who have four or more children (or any children at all) and don't feel like they are constantly treading water and are in immediate danger of drowning at any moment.  That is not me.

Add on to the fact, a case of serious parental self doubt has crept in, and I just want to bury my head in the sand (preferably on a beach in a different country) away from my children.

This parenting gig is hard.  H-A-R-D.  I think I question the decisions I make a thousand times a day.  For example, here is what I have been thinking about lately.

Am I raising grateful children?

Could I being doing more to teach them to be thankful for what they have?

Why can't they just be happy for what they have?

Am I raising decent human beings?

Ah, that was so sweet of him to thank me for cooking dinner.

Am I being to harsh on my kids?
Am I expecting and setting my expectations to high?

No, they need to rise and meet my expectations.

But if I'm setting them to high and they don't meet them, am I being to harsh with my consequences?

Am I following through enough so they take me seriously?

Why are my kids acting like little assholes?!

How did I fail as a parent?

Why can't they just do what I ask them to do the first time I ask them to do it?!

Did they not learn the first three times I said I would do something and did it that I'm serious?

I need a drink.

And that was just a running series of comments going through my head over events of the past week.  So yes, I'm struggling.  Can you tell?

I'm not asking for answers (although similar stories would be helpful so I don't feel like the world's worse parent).  I'm just asking for patience and prayer.  Yes, I need divine intervention at this point so I don't screw up my children any worse than they already are.  Pray for me!

Busy much?

We are.  Busy that is.

I keep thinking I'll have time to write up something great, then family activities, children, or just all those small things that add up get in the way.  We're all still alive down here though!  Yea for small blessings!

In the mean time, here are a few pictures to share.