...and then I cried.

To say I've been a wreck lately is an understatement.  I haven't had just a bad day, bad week, or bad month.  This year has started epically wrong in so many ways.

I keep expecting things to turn around.  It can only go up from here, right?  Yeah... no.  Every time I've put on the happy, smiley face thinking it comes in threes, something else happens after the third.

I've been sick or something going on a month.  It's gone from sounding like a chain smoker, to hacking up nasty stuff, to not being able to breath and hacking up nasty stuff.  Now, I'm coughing and hacking up nasty stuff.  I'm ready to strangle my kids for many and various reasons.  I think they had a little pow wow (unbeknownst to me) at the beginning of the year and decided to do everything in their power to piss me off.  Guess what, it's working.  My lack of sleep from someone having nightmares, growing pains, and teething just keeps on coming.

I've reached my limit.

I've hit my proverbial wall.

I'm an emotional wreck.  My kids are probably wondering why mom has gone off the deep end.  And the truth of the matter is I don't know what to do.

So guess what, I cried.

I'm not perfect.  I don't have the perfect house.  And God knows, my kids are not perfect.  And it doesn't help I see that 'perfect' kid on Facebook all the time.

You know what I'm talking about.  'Look everyone, Billy did x, y, and z.  He's so great.  We're so proud of him.'  Or 'Annie did so and so.  She won so and so award.  We have the best kids ever!'  Now, I get being proud of your kids.  I do.  What I don't get is the picture people portray of their perfect life and how wonderful everything is all the freakin' time!  Why don't these people just shit out rainbows and sunshine while singing Kumbaya!  It's not helping me!  Nobody's life is perfect, and nobody's kids are perfect.  Life is hard and will throw you curve balls.  It's hard!

Right now, my life is not easy.  I'm using this as an outlet to vent about all the crazy shit that has been happening lately.  And seeing people's perfection just makes me want to punch something.

I'm taking a step back and going to focus on the good and positive.  My kids are still alive!  I get an A+!  My house is kinda, sorta clean.  I giving myself an A for effort!  I'm in pretty good shape for a mom of 4.  I get an A!  My husband has stuck around through all my crazy.  He deserves Sainthood for that monumental task!

In order to celebrate my new take on life (and hopefully get rid of this bad juju I got going on), I'm posting a self portrait I took.  Yep, here I am in all my glory!  I wasn't feeling particularly happy this day, but it's nice to release some of that tension through art.  Good juju, find me!  And I'm quickly posting this before I lose my nerve and delete these pictures.